Writing Exercise: The Sailor and the Meese

The following is a fairy tale that I wrote in approximately thirty minutes through text messages. Now, normally my fairy tales are not very good because they lack any sort of depth and pretty much have no plot behind them. But somehow the following one I wrote came out pretty well. And just for the hell of it, I am also including all of my friend's comments when she gave them and while I was writing this in a second column. I promise to keep them posted approximately when I  received them. Anyway, without further ado, here is the fairy tale I wrote.

Also, I would like to side-track really quickly and just note that this is the edited version of my fairy tale since I had to transfer it from my messages to my blog. However, that means I actually added more detail and worked out some other parts, though essentially the story is the same.

The Sailor and the Meese

Comments:

Once upon a time in a land just south of Denver there lived a little man that had thirteen daughters. Each of his girls was different from the rest, and he would always go to the market to sell his goods. And while truing to sell his goods he would always say, "My girls, my daughters, they drive me nuts, but I love them dearly because they are all so very different." One day, the little old man went into the market and a sailor who had just came into port that morning starts walking up the street when he hears the old man shouting. "My girls, my daughters, they drive me nuts, but I love them dearly because they are all so very different." Intrigued, the sailor walks up to see what the little old man has for sale. But the little old man has absolutely nothing for sale on his table. Not a loaf of bread, nor a piece of cloth, and certainly not a button stood for sale on the table. Still, the old man sat behind his table and chanted, "My girls, my daughters, they drive me nuts, but I love them dearly because they are all so very different." The sailor, being a cunning man, then told the old man, "Why sir, you have nothing to sell at your table, so why keep shouting?" The old man in front of him just shook his head and chanted again his little poem. So the sailor then added, "You have but too many girl. If I take yet only one you may have a better world." Indeed the man's original idea was to off his daughters onto the town travelers, for he was poor and with very little money to feed so many mouths. The old man thinks it over, he just cannot decide though which one of his daughters this sailor should take. So he decrees that the sailor bring him the biggest fish he can catch, and that fish will determine which of the daughters he will get, for surely they all can be decided by just one fish. The two shook hands and then went their separate ways, the sailor down the market road to look at the other goods while the old man continued to shout from his table. "My girls, my daughters, they drive me nuts, but I love them dearly because they are so very different." The sailor would have liked to have started searching for a fish that night, but it was late and he knew he would first need his rest. The next day the sailor sets out on the sea of Colorado, looking for the biggest fish he could catch. The day was clear as the breeze was in his favor, everything seemed to be going his way. Yet on the ground below the tree tops, to which his boat was floating about, there were no fish for him to catch. He knew he would have to just continue on. In the distance he spotted someone else floating in a smaller boat and as he came closer he could easily see what it was. He met a moose in a small red row boat. "Dear moose," he called out, "what are you doing in that tiny red row boat?" The moose waved back as he told, "I am searching for my daughters, one skinny and one fat but both are fluffy on the outside." He then grabbed the oars again and continued to row over the tops of the trees. And the sailor, a caring man, tells the moose that he will find at least one of them. So he continues sailing onwards, the wind at his back once more and the forest his sea until finally he came across another character of course. It was an aging Willow Tree, who's bark was much worse than the bites that had been taken. "Dear Willow Tree, what has happened to you," called the sailor that should have been looking for a fish to get his bride from the market man about which this story had once began. But alas, he was torn by side quests much like the game The Elder Scrolls makes people do. So he had a conversation with the willow tree. The tree spoke sorrowfully, "Twas a bear! No wait, a bird! No, hold on a second! It was something hideously furry that attacked my bark. And there was but two of them and I do not know why I forgot to say that the first time." He rolled his branches like arms to express his words as he continued on. "I am a little senile ever since I stopped sleeping, so give me a minute to think." But the sailor had a good idea whom had eaten the bark of the crazy old Willow Tree and decided to move on. Ironically, his ship then ran over the Willow Tree. His quest went on for miles at time, the timber his boat crushed below letting him move swiftly and quickly, yet still he felt lonesome on his long quest. Then the sailor met a pool shark, a scam artist if ever there was one, with a giant moose antler stabbed into his side. The sailor did ask, "Dear pool shark, what has hit you with such a moose antler!" And the pool shark replied, "Why a moose of course, but it was big and ferocious and it is still attached!" And sure enough, there was a moose hanging off that antler with a golden bell wrapped around her neck. "Dear moose," called the sailor, "Why have you stabbed that pool shark you are stuck in?" To these words the moose felt obligated to tell her tale. "My sister and I were out on an adventure when suddenly I saw a Willow Tree weeping. We were both were very hungry and depressed because we had just eaten all of our books when last our stomachs had growled. I had wanted to read this one cook book, but in the fit of my stomach's yelling I ate it instead. Then we decided to make new books from the bark of the Weeping Willow because Weeping Willows are so romantically used in some of the stories that my sister and I loved to read. But I remembered that I could not write and instead only read. In contrast, my sister could not read and could only write! There was no way that we could somehow come together and make a book with a sensible plot. And my sister ran over a cliff with a look of horror across her moose-ish face. We were attacked and by a shark no less, so I fought him with my antlers and stabbed him as thus." The sailor thought about all of this before calling back. "Your story makes perfect sense and I completely understand, so I want to help you. I saw your father but a fortnight back, or maybe a few minutes ago. It's hard to remember when you sail the great Colorado Sea. Anyway, let us dive over the cliff and rescue your sister, the other moose as well!" So the moose agreed, because getting on a ship with a sailor that looks so cunning is completely natural. When the moose was on his ship, the sailor tried with all his great strength to pull the pool shark off of her antler. Unfortunately he had become attached forever, because the moose had struck him in the pocket where he carried his trusty guerrilla glue and it had spilled all over the wound. They were inseparable now, or at least without proper medical attention they would have to remain together for a while longer. "That's okay" said the young, not-very-handsome pool shark, "I will live with the meese and frolic all day." So off they set sail over the cliff and into the greatest and grandest canyon of all the land. Down past the rocks that showed the skeletons of humans, and beyond the ones of neanderthals, and even further past the ones that looked like animals but bigger, and of course much farther than the dead dinosaurs. The ship fell and they fell with it, until finally the ship smashed into the ground with a magical explosion. But no one was hurt because the golden bell around the moose's neck was a magical instrument and had anti-death-by-explosion charms all about it. So the sailor, the moose, and the pool shark came out of the shipwreck without a scratch and ventured off into the Forest of the Demanded, which just so happens to exist at the base of the largest cliff in all the land, to look for the moose's sister. "Isamoosa," the three cried out, calling the moose's sister by her name as they walked deeper into the forest. "Isamoosa come here right now so we can go home." But still no one called back and they feared the worst for poor Isamoosa. Deeper and deeper, and further and further, they walked into the woods. The trees were hanging over like... trees with branches and stuff, sending chills down the search parties spine. Still, they continued on as the three kept calling out. Little did they know that they would soon disrupt the forest and bring the evil imps out to play. At first they heard a snap, a cackle, and a pop; but that was the last they would hear before the imps appeared. As big as bears that could fit in one's palms, the three imps attacked from the shadows and jumped on all of them. They rode on the moose's back, they poked at the pool sharks eyes, and they played cards with the sailor. All the time while doing their evil ways, the three adventures screamed and shouted until finally the sailor yelled back. "What is it Imps, what have we done? Do we deserve your treacherous attacks?" And the three imps all replied, each one sounding like one of those chipmunks from Alvin and the chipmunks, "We hate it when strangers walk out forests. Did you not see the creepy trees that hang like... tree branches or that one large sign that your giant boat smashed into?" The sailor talked back, "No, and it is a ship!" "Well the last one that came in here and said something crazy like that is now in our prison and we will not let her out unless you answer the following three questions!" The three agreed, because what were they to do when Isamoosa was obviously being held by these three imps. Also, none of them felt very threatened anymore since they were not being attacked by the imps. "Question number one, what is the square root of a square?" The three looked at each other, but then the pool shark said aloud, "I know maths and the answer is obvious, the square root of a square is most certainly a set of parallel lines" The imps looked at each other, and then the first one snapped away. "That is correct," he shrilled right before he disappeared to the sound of a twig breaking into two. Then the next one asked, "Why is the sun so bright?" The three travelers looked at each other, for this one they did not know. Yet they still needed to give at least some answer, and so it was the moose that said, "I know this one, because Daddy always tells me. It is bright because it rises in the morning and if it did not then everything would be dark!" And the second one thought about it, but was not sure that her answer was correct, but he was no scientist. He decreed they must be right and then crackled into a fizzy drink that slurped into the dirt. Then the third one asked the final question, "What do you call an outhouse built inside of a home?" To which the sailor very quickly replied, "That is too easy, for it is a room with a toilet and thus must be a water closet." The last imp shook his fist in fury, but he was not one to back down on his promises. With a quick and quiet, "follow me," slipping from his lips, they walked to another part of the Forest of the Demanded until they all came back to the three imp's cave. Inside they found Isamoosa trapped in an iron cage, along with ten million pounds of stolen treasures (or so the imp told). And the imp added, "To make your troubles easier and for following our tasks, you can take as much treasure as you can hold in one pocket." He then popped with a flash of light and disappeared, a smoke whisking about where he once had been. So they dug through the emeralds and rubies and other rare gems. They squandered through the gold and the chocolate coins wrapped in gold wrappers. And most importantly they all filled exactly one of their pockets with the riches. Also, the meeses definitely had pockets for them to put the gold into, otherwise they would look silly without pants. But most importantly, the sailor found what looked like a black stone in the pile, a rock that he was curiously drawn to. So he took it with him and placed it at the top of his pocket of treasures. When the four of them got outside of the cave, they wondered what they would do next. With no ship to take them home over the seas of the great Colorado and no way out of the grandest canyon in the land, they would be stuck in the grand canyon forever. The sailor was twirling the black rock he had laid at the top of his pocket in his hand, trying his best to think of a solution when out popped a genie. "My name is Mister Original and I am a genie. I will grant you all exactly one quarter of a single wish." The two meese, the pool shark, and the sailor huddled together and decided that since it was the sailor's rock, the wish should be his. He asked for a magical camera, because he had always wanted to own one of those crazy picture taking devices. The genie granted him his wish and gave the sailor a Cannon Magic Camera. The genie told the sailor that whatever he took a picture of could magically be rewound through time. So the sailor decided to try out his new magical camera on the remains of his exploded ship. With a green flash from the camera's light, the ship magically rebuilt itself as the pieces flew back together and became whole once more. The sailor forgot to stop the magic though, and the four watched as the ship flew back up the cliff. Quickly thinking, he stopped his ship at the very top and let it drop back down the cliff a second time before taking another picture as the ship arrived back at the bottom. The ship became frozen in time, floating in the air magically. Getting everyone in the about to explode ship of his, the sailor took one final picture with his new camera and sent the ship back up the cliff. Next, they went back to the meeses' father and the sailor let them off of his ship. They had been rightfully returned, along with a pool shark who was forever attached to the older moose. "Thank you" said the meeses' dad, "And to repay you for what you've done I will come to market tomorrow and buy you a fish, as I know that is what you really were out looking for." The next day they all went to market and met up with the old man at his table. He said, "Well that is a very furry fish, so here is my furry daughter to match!" The old man called back behind the tent and asked one of his daughters over, giving away the hairy one to the sailor. The sailor took a picture of the old man's daughter and  wished that the hair would rewind through time, disappearing from wherever hair comes. In amazement, the meese, the old man, and the sailor all watched as what was once a very hair and dirty girl changed into a magnificent and beautiful woman dressed in rags. The two were married before the end of the day and everyone lived happily ever after. The End

Thirteen women in one house sounds like a disaster! Creepers are icky! Note: In the original version, the sailor was also slightly creepy LOL. Yay fluffiness! A moose? LOL. Wow, this is getting better and better! Makes total sense! Note: In an unrelated discussion, the plural of moose is moose, but for this story we use meese. I like this story. Anti-death-by-explosion charm? Priceless. Ooooh, I love your metaphors. Hahaha, they sound so threatening! LOL! A line! Weird. Logical. That's interesting. Yay for shiny things! Makes as much sense as anything else in this story. That was an awesome story.