Large Lizard Means Lots of Love

I don't understand why Mike Ensminger, the Teller County Sheriff, is currently out in the Woodland Park area telling some 400 homes that there is a large, killer lizard on the loose. The fact of the matter is that someone's home pet, very snuggly and gentle, got out of it's owner's backyard and is now running around the city on a small joy ride! So why tell all of the community to be on the lookout for a beast with two-inch claws and the ability to climb trees, that wants to attack your young children, and not to try and catch it with a net. What they should be telling the citizens to do is throw it some food, give it a pat on the head, and hug it like a kitten or a puppy! To quote:

Monitor lizards normally feed on smaller creatures like rodents, but local veterinarian Bradley Bundy told The Associated Press that they definitely could pose a threat to humans caught in their path.

If you ask me, this means don't get in it's way and it'll only kill small bunnies, mice, and other local Colorado animals to which we currently have a surplus population! So the lizard is actually doing some justice by killing off local animals that have ran around untamed and unwatched for years, reproducing and recreating like crazy because of the lack of natural enemies. To be honest, I think Colorado should invest in a whole bunch of Nile monitor lizards to help the cities clear out the huge bunny populations that are currently ravaging yards and eating away someone's hard work in a garden! Plus, it gives a warning to kids to not touch or play with the friendly wild animals!


And the worst part of the story is that they don't think it will live past this summer! With raging winters in Colorado and being so far into the mountainous area, they think one drop in temperature and the poor lizard will be dead. So why the hell is the sheriff being so damn scared of a cute and cuddly animal that he fears might tear his face off? Why not get out there, search for it, and bring it back home to an owner who loves his beast.


/Sort-of Satire

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