Jobs for Junior

The first time I heard about parents getting involved in helping their children get or keep jobs at certain companies was a small article in the newspaper. In the article, the son went into an interview and apparently blew it. The company sent him a letter a few days later saying that they did not want him for the position and they wished him the best of luck. Instead of taking it as a loss and moving on, the son called up his parents and told them about the interview. Apparently his mother actually went over to the office and started talking with the hiring personnel, asking why they did not like her little boy and what was wrong with him.

What a lunatic!

The second time I heard about a parent getting involved in their child's workplace was when a guy got laid off from his position, nothing too surprising because of the economy. And I can imagine that he was not the happiest of people to find out that he was back to searching for a new job, but instead of taking his losses and trying to stay in good terms, he called up his parents. The next day, his mother called in to his office and started yelling at his boss.

It is not just mother's that do this too! In a case with an acquaintance I met while in College, his father was actually working much harder than the son ever did. The dad applied for his school application, helped him with several large projects, and even got him a job once he had finished his bachelor degree. Did that person really deserve the job he got (or the college degree he stole), the answer is probably not (and most definitely not). Truth is, it just happens.

The term used for these types of mothers and fathers is Helicopter Parents and it has become such a large problem that Time Magazine [Link Here] actually wrote an article about it. They pay such close attention to their children that they actually go and fight wars for them. Although it is good to have a caring parent when a child is growing up, it is annoying when the parent comes to the rescue when they should be old enough to figure things out for themselves. And please do not get this post confused with a caring mother or father, I'm not talking about the type of parent that gives you a place to stay when your luck is down or takes you out to dinner every once in a while or even offers comfort after a huge event. I'm talking about the type of parent that goes a step beyond that, managing your life and lifestyle to the point that he or she is basically doing the work for you.

My Belief
There is no doubt in my mind that when we are young we need parents that love and care for us. They protect us, bring us what we need, and overall give us the start to a life that is much more than worth living. And to everyone who has ever had a caring parent, be thankful because some people are not as fortunate to have the love of their Mother, their Father, or even both. And I'm not going to harp on that too much, but just take a second and appreciate what you were given, maybe even donate to those that will not know the same love you had.

But I also believe that as we get older we become less dependent on them. In our society, we sort of ween off the children by slowly giving them more responsibility, but at the same time more freedom. The truth is, our parents are actually caring enough to show use the way to become less dependent on them through slowly letting go. For them I can only imagine it is both a joy and a loss to see something you have put so much time and energy into suddenly slip from your grasp. It is a happy letting go. That's what really is happening over the years, parents slowly drawing their own connection and attachments away from children so that the child can stand independently and freely.

And to be honest, the process truly is not complete at the age of eighteen, which is by law when a parent must consider their little baby an adult. For some, the next step is a harsh beating of what being an individual in this world really means, being tossed to the world and being told that they are nothing. For others, the parenting roll has subsided to the background but there is still some control there. In a recent article I read on Yahoo (though when I went back to source it, the article had disappeared), one college sited that they were creating dorms for Freshmen and Sophomores that lacked some of the more refined and nice amenities seen today. The idea was that people discover who they are, what they want to be, and why they want to go to school when they see what they lose in the dorm. What I'm getting at by relating this is that in a way we don't show them that they are fully responsible yet, but give them the means to figure out what exactly fully responsible means.

So by the time a child is out of his parents grasp, by which I mean the age of eighteen, we as a society have given them the preparation they deserve to be responsible for their lives, to take control and to figure things out. I do not like the idea of helicopter parents, those that care so much that they take-over their child's life and help them on their way, because at that stage of their life they should be good enough to figure out what went wrong and improve for the next time.

Don't Get Confuses
There is one more part that is complex to my personal theory that needs explaining. I'm not saying that every parent should kick their kids to the street just because they are eighteen. In fact, I think a parent should help their child by keeping them off the street until they find a job and can walk with their own two feet. However, the parent should never get involved in the process for that first foot going down. One of the first ways that we learn as people to stand tall is to get a job, or a career, and then from their move on to our living space and our own lifestyles.

So helping your kids stand is one thing, giving them the cloths they need for the interview and giving them a bed to sleep in while they search, but helping your kids take the first step is a complete other, which in this scenario would be going to the interview for them or calling-up afterwards. It's a bit complex, sometimes the lines are closely drawn, but the fine line of dragging them forwards and getting them to walk on their own is there.

My Life
I can remember every year of my life getting a birthday, which meant gifts and presents around the table, along with a whole new set of responsibilities and freedoms. There are some major ones I think everyone can relate to, for instance by sixteen I was allowed to drive and my parents actually gave me car keys so that they would not have to haul me around town. By eighteen I was expected to be able to write official letters on my own, only receiving help when I asked for it and only getting the help of choosing a better choice of words. With each year, they've held on less and less to me and I've respected that.

Of course, giving me more freedom has never meant that I would stay under their ruling. It seems that with each year since I started thinking more and more independently, I've had more backlashes against my family. I think we all do at some point in our lives. In more simplistic terms, I argued and I fought for what I was slowly forming to believe is right. Not always was I, nor will I always be completely correct, but at the same time neither will my parents. And to be honest, with each passing year they've had to accept that I'm not under their control anymore and they should not be trying to force me. If there is one thing I think parents can learn from the way they were treated and they way they want us to treat them, it is this.

We are not the prisoners of their rule, shackled and chained to the philosophy and idea that they will always be respected. Instead, we become the philosophers that sit beside them at the table, wishing for our thoughts to be heard and similarly to hear what they have to say in response. And although the blood that bonds will always keep each-other much closer than any others to our family, as in to say that in the long run we will work together not for the greater good of a single individual but the greater good of the entire family unit, that our individuality will remain a part of those bonds.

It is upon this believe that I've been raised.

Last Remarks
I am sort of writing this entire blog not to be informative, but more so to blow off some steam. It seems like with each passing day that I try very hard to get a position, one of my parents is becoming more upset that I am still living at home. I do not need someone searching for a career for me, especially since I know what I like and I know what I am looking for. That is something no one else could possibly know without asking me to view every single job they find, and in the end I am already doing that. And I know my family member that is driving me insane probably will not read this, which is why I can write something like this and feel free to describe things that are personal.

To others out there, I hope they understand that if your child is looking and is trying their hardest to get a job, it might not be that they are not trying hard enough. Maybe the times are down, like they currently are for me, or maybe the right position just has not come-up yet. Either way, do not get involved in a part of a life that is not yours to be involved in. Instead, support and offer all you can without pressing. If you press too hard, all you do is drive them away forever.

And if your child is not looking for a job yet, then do not go out looking for them and getting them a position. That does not teach them to be an individual either. Instead, slowly start moving them to get on their own feet and support themselves. I've heard some parents start charging for food after a while, then for utilities, and finally for rent. The parents do not actually spend the money they collect, but rather save it for when their child is down in a rut again. If that is what it takes to get your kid moving then it might be the right thing to do. Whatever you do, make sure they want to get the job themselves.